How to Stop Being Shy and Afraid of Communication: Easy Ways and Tips From Psychologists

In the first half of XX century, psychologists from the University of California conducted a large-scale experiment – observed 250 people from birth to adulthood. And they found that shyness is more common in women.

This is noticeable even in childhood, especially in the firstborn girls from large families.

Ways to Stop Being Shy

Try different methods of getting rid of shyness and choose the ones that resonate more. Practice every day – do at least one exercise at a time.

Perform in Front of a Mirror

You are the closest and most intimate person to yourself. Alone with yourself you can do anything, look silly, make mistakes, etc. What difference does it make? After all, no one will see and do not know.

So let yourself be anything, sing or wiggle in front of the mirror, tell poems with an expression, etc.

Let it be awkward and clumsy at first. Gradually you will see progress and you may want to perform in front of 1-2 close people or a group.

Communicate More in Real Life

Harvard Business School psychologist Robin Abrahams discovered an unusual cause of shyness – the abuse of social media. The more people communicate online, the harder it is for them to communicate offline.

If you’re not so shy that you have no friends at all, then communicate more with loved ones in person. If you have an online friend, try to move communication offline or communicate more by video link.

The advanced level for the most adventurous is interest-based dating. For this, you can use free online services: Friendler, Limera, and others.


If you’re too shy to go to the gym, work out at home for now. Sports improve mood, raise self-esteem, reduce anxiety and stress. And if shyness is related to the non-acceptance of his body, sports will help here as well.

But remember that often the lack of acceptance of their appearance has psychological roots – no matter how a person looks, he still isn’t happy. In this case, it’s necessary to look for the underlying reasons and work them out.

Make a List of Your Victories

Write down all the victories and achievements from different areas of life, even the smallest ones, even if it’s cooking a new meal or winning a $100 at Think of everything – from the early years of life to the present moment.

Anything that makes you proud and happy. Hang the list prominently, look at it and add to it. It will give you confidence in yourself.

Try on an Image of Yourself

Think of a character in a movie, a book, or a person in your life who is not shy. Or make up an image of someone you would like to be.

Play around – act like that character. This will help you through the game to stop being shy with people.

Make Choices and Find Hidden Benefits

The word “shy” reads differently as “self-conscious.

Why would you want to be self-conscious? And can you not be self-conscious? Of course you can. You have a choice. But first you need to understand: when and how you embarrass yourself, why and why, what feelings and experiences it is associated with, what benefits it provides.

The hardest part about benefits is that they are usually unconscious. For example: you do not have to make a decision and be responsible for it. To find your benefits, write down what will not happen if you stop embarrassing yourself.

For example: if I start to express my opinion, we will often quarrel with his partner, he may leave me. And then work on each point: why it’s important to you, what you can do about it without remaining shy.

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Take up Dancing, Public Speaking, or Acting

You can do it at home – dance for the soul or develop your public speaking skills from YouTube videos. Or you can enroll in professional courses. All 3 kinds of leisure activities help to remove bodily and psychological clamps.

Oratory is especially useful for those who are shy of their voice and want to stop being shy to speak.

Treat Yourself With Understanding

What will you say to a friend if he makes a mistake? Probably be supportive. What would you say to a child if they were in an awkward situation? Probably be supportive, too.

Do you treat yourself with the same care, understanding, compassion? Take as a rule in a difficult situation not to scold yourself, and support, praise.

Find Support

Two options: find the same shy people with whom you will work on yourself together. For example, you can find them on forums in groups on social networks.

Or find a friend who resembles your opposite, and he will become a “guide” for you.

Look Fear in the Eyes

Next to shyness is always fear. Write down the situations that scare you – from least scary to most scary. Start working with the first one.

Picture her and your actions, but not the ones dictated by shyness, but the ones you really want to do. And then replay that situation and those actions in your life.

This way you form new neural connections and reduce fear: scary situations → positive experience → reduced fear and increased self-confidence.

Take a Closer Look at Other People’s Experiences

You can find out what has helped other people cope with shyness. For example, psychologist and founder of Gestalt therapy F. Perls talks about his experiences in his book Inside and Out of the Dumpster. On psychological forums you can find people’s stories or leave your appeal.

Many famous people have suffered from shyness and found their secret to happiness. 

Practice Communication

How to stop being shy to communicate: train. Ideally – to practice communicating with real people. But imagination is a good place to start. Imagine that you are talking to someone.

If your only fear in communication is men or women, practice talking to this category of people. And while talking, think about the fact that there is just a person in front of you.

Person with his interests, needs, fears, desires. And start with this, for example, by discussing a common interest.

Make a List of Your Strengths and Talents

These will be your trump cards from which you can go straight in when dating and communicating. Surely there is at least something in which you feel like a fish in water.

Or something that you are interested in, and you can be good at it, and then demonstrate your knowledge or experience to other people.

Say Kind Words and Compliments

To yourself and to other people. Moreover, learn to accept compliments and gratitude. Every night, write down 5 thank yous and compliments to yourself and the world. And as much as you can, say kind words to those around you.

Consult a Coach

If you can not cope with shyness yourself, consult a specialist. If there are deep psychological problems, see a psychologist.

For the development of individual skills, go to a coach. For example, a coach can help a man who wants to stop being shy with girls.

Provided that the man does not have psychotraumas from his childhood, but simply has little experience in dealing with the opposite sex.

Sometimes family psychologist consultations are indicated. For example: a woman is shy with her husband and cannot be herself in front of him.

But in life, in relationships with friends or colleagues she was not shy. This may mean that there is no intimacy and trust in the relationship.

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Tips From Psychologists

To others a shy person becomes comfortable. He is called quiet, modest, pleasant, obedient, etc. Some might even say that shyness is a positive quality. But in fact, it’s a psychological barrier that prevents the realization in life.

Because of shyness it’s difficult to enter into communication, build relationships, advance in their careers, and defend their opinions. Let’s find out what will help get rid of shyness at a deep level.

Learn to Hear Yourself

Often the thought behind shyness is “What will people think/say?” If you give in to their influence, you can become an unfulfilled and unhappy person.

Learn to think about your needs, desires, and feelings. The main thing is not to break the law, not to harm others. Otherwise, you can do whatever you want.

Make a list of the things that shyness deprives you of – that you don’t do even though you want to. Or you do, but not in the way you want to.

Choose the thing that causes the least fear, and do it. You can ask a friend for support. Do it with him and realize that the world hasn’t collapsed.

No matter what you do, there will always be those who are supportive, indifferent, and judgmental. The latter in most cases are those who themselves want to do what they condemn you for, but don’t dare.

Allow Yourself to Be Wrong

“What if I do something wrong?” – is another thought that often lies behind shyness. It’s the fear of making a mistake, of being criticized, of being punished. But after all, everyone makes mistakes, it’s normal.

“Shyness is a combination of a desire to be liked and a fear of failure,” Pierre Edmond Beauchene, French writer.

Give Yourself the Gift of Oxytocin

Oxytocin helps fight anxiety, fear, social anxiety disorder and other social problems, including shyness, according to research.

Oxytocin has been called an anti-stress hormone and a hormone of happiness, affection and calm.

What increases oxytocin levels:

  • Any physical contact – a hug, a handshake, a kiss, a massage.
  • Mental intimacy – talking about the most important things.
  • Aromatherapy, such as oil of clary sage, frankincense, lavender, ylang-ylang, melissa, oregano.
  • Gifts, compliments, and acts of kindness (both accepting and sincerely doing);
  • intercourse with pets.
  • Pleasant memories, viewing memorable photos.
  • Listening to your favorite music, laughter.

Among the foods that can help increase oxytocin are dates, seafood, dairy products, green and red vegetables.

Embrace Yourself

You want to get rid of shyness, so you don’t accept this part of yourself. But what if it’s an integral part of you? Maybe you should change your focus: not how not to be shy, but how to reduce shyness and make life comfortable.

Why do you even want to get rid of it? Did someone tell you it’s a bad thing? Or do you yourself feel that shyness is a hindrance?

Perhaps you are an introvert by nature, a reserved person in your own right. Perhaps you need more time to make decisions than others. You don’t want to cuddle with everyone you meet, etc. What is the real you? If shyness has been around for as long as you can remember yourself, there’s a good chance it’s related to personality traits.

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